Connecting with Divine Guidance

It’s been more than two weeks since I saw my orthobionomy healer who helped put the pieces back together again and gave me some breathing space. Her recommendation to me at the time, in order to hear the voices of my guiding angels, was to meditate daily. Today was the first time I finally got around to it.

I didn’t hear any direct communications from guiding spirits, but shortly after I sat down, I was flooded with gratitude. Suddenly, the world looked brighter and sweeter, all the while sitting on the futon in my office. I had a feeling of being wholly loved, and of wholly loving the entire universe. It was wonderful.

Part of me has been pissed about “getting old.” I’m not on the brink of any significant birthday, and there’s nothing that I can’t do that I haven’t been able to do all along. I think it’s been my creaky joints reminding me of the passage of time. Never mind that I had a very “exuberant” youth, playing lots and LOTS of sports. I guess I thought that once I was finished with a regular work schedule, I could get back in shape and be invincible once again. Hmmm. Maybe not…

But today, due to this unfettered gratitude, I am not at war with myself. I’m just grateful.

You know how the saying goes, “Once the student is ready, the teacher will appear.”? Well, here I go again. I have the ultimate privilege of working in a metaphysical bookstore. A new book arrived. The title is: Let Your Spirit Guides Speak. I glanced through the book, and I love the way this author, Debra Landwehr Engle, gives such clear, direct instructions on how to connect to my own spirit guides. I think that is why I felt such gratitude and peace when I finally sat down last Friday. And as soon as I get paid, I’m buying that book!

Due to all these “signs,” I now have faith that I have direct, divine guidance, and I am looking forward to learning that language.

I am continually amazed at how these important things spring into my life. In Lesson Six of The Way of Mastery, Jeshua mentions these angelic beings and their ability to help us direct our lives. Then my orthobionomy healer friend points out the four divine guides that have been sent to help me – and now a book about how to actually connect with them. The perfection of the progression stuns me, and gratitude overwhelms me.

Divine guidance is as close as our own breath, as Jeshua continues to remind us. If all of us can, and finally do, plug into this perfection, I imagine the world will be a much better place.

I encourage you to plug in, too, and please let me know how it goes.

Cultivating Compassion

I’ve been re-reading The More Beautiful World Our Hearts Know Is Possible for a book study group that I facilitate. The book is not an easy read, but it seems revolutionary to me. The author, Charles Eisenstein, envisions a world in which all of us, with our unique gifts and talents, live in a more sharing society, make heart-based decisions, and leave judgment and separation behind.

He writes extensively in the first half of the book about the extent to which we are influenced by what he calls the “Story of Separation.” It has given us an “every man for himself” mentality, an “us versus them,” “me against the world” viewpoint that is at the base of all our core beliefs.

I was especially intrigued with his discussion on “dispositionism” and “situationism.” I’ll quote directly from the chapter on “Judgment” since he says it so succinctly.

“…‘situationism’ …says that it is the totality of our internalized and external situation that determines our choices and beliefs. In contrast, most people in our society hold the view of dispositionsim, which says that people make decisions by the exercise of free will based on relatively stable dispostitions or preferences.”

Situationism says we act differently in different situations. “Dispositionism, and its attendant judgmentality is encoded into our Story of the World. In your shoes, I would not do what you did, because I am different from you, separate from you.”

I think what he is saying in his book is that situationism is more true to our natures, but we think in terms of dispositionism. It’s easier to compartmentalize our thoughts (and judgments). “I disagree with you, so you are a bad person. You always have been and always will be.” We deprive ourselves of our own humanity with that kind of thinking. We deprive people who have perhaps done a misdeed due to a desperate situation from ever being redeemed. That black mark that we put on them stays there forever (in our minds).

I relate all this because I had a very enlightening experience around this recently. I was entering the grocery store on my way home from work and saw a man walking toward me with a quart of something like juice or tea, no bag and no receipt that I could see. He was looking at the cashier’s stand on the other side of the floral section, and, to me, he seemed to act like he was stealing the item. So I confronted him with, “Hey, did you pay for that?” He replied, “Of course I did,” and walked out of the store.

I kicked myself all the way home. Here I am, studying this compassionate way of looking at and being in the world and what do I do? Act like a jerk. I could have offered to pay for his item, I could have kept quiet, I could have said a small prayer for him, or really anything else but pit my (righteous) self against his (clearly deviant) supposed bad behavior.

After I stopped cussing myself out, I said a little prayer of gratitude to the universe for providing me with such a clear lesson. Compassion does not come easily in all situations. But I do believe we are given opportunities every day to practice.

As Jeshua reminds us in Lesson Nine, “Compassion does not exist floating about in the universe until you manifest it and cultivate it within your own consciousness.”

Looks, as usual, like I have a lot of work to do…

Love Heals All Things, Part 2

Last week I ran into another “existential” crisis. Oh, me; oh, my. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve hit one of those walls, was able to resolve the issue and then move on, thinking, “Ah, I don’t have to go through that again.” Bull-puckey. Peeling that onion seems like a task for Sisyphus, yet necessary for the kind of spiritual growth I am looking for.

I saw another healer friend of mine on Friday. I felt at my wits end, so dropped all pretense of having my shit together and just fell apart in front of her. I don’t do that, normally. I always feel like I can’t afford to fall apart. Living on my own has taught me that you have to be there to pick yourself up because there’s nobody else around to do that for you.

Still, I found that I could just be a “hot mess” with one person who is dedicated to helping others. And she offered me some profound insights.

Turns out we are both children of abusive fathers, ones who resorted to violence with their children. And she told me that each time a violent event happened, some small part of me bailed at the scene. She was able to see a number of these “pieces” that have been scattered over my lifetime, coming back and asking for permission to be reunited. I gave that permission, and she kept me grounded as those pieces became re-assimilated. It was one of the most healing experiences I’ve had in recent years, as it filled up the dark chasm that had been haunting me.

She also spoke of how children of violence have rather large self-worth issues, which also made sense to me. What had I done that was so bad that my own father would, in my young mind, threaten to kill me? Much later, I came to realize the following belief that I had acquired through those years: those who tell you they love you may also try to kill you. Once I understood that belief, my issues around relationships made more sense.

After our session on Friday, I came back home with a remarkable sense of peace. The tension I had been carrying in my belly was gone. I was able to breathe again.

And best of all, my healer introduced me to my guardian angels. She told me how to ask them for help, and how to connect with them for guidance. Even Jeshua, in Lesson Six, refers to the help available from our guardian angels. Both my healer and my teacher remind me that I am not alone. And, for now, I know that; down in my bones, I know it’s true.

I can also see how the session I had with the intuitive the previous week was able to steer me to one of my regular healers, who was able to give me a greater understanding of myself, with more compassion and self-appreciation.

My sincere gratitude goes out to all the healers in my life, past and current, for the work that they do, the insights they provide, and the love that flows through and is the basis for their desire to help. It is true that we are not alone – all we have to do is reach out to someone we know. The love we all have for each other can help overcome all obstacles.

Love Heals All Things

I was reminded this week that spiritual growth is not linear. What’s really weird is that I keep expecting it to be. “A” is followed by “B” and then by “C”…

I had a session with an energy healer, or intuitive healer, I’m not quite sure how to describe her gift. She recognized and addressed some very old stuff that I know is way down there. She did her best to help me incorporate it. She reminded me that we can’t eliminate the things we don’t like about ourselves. We have to pull in the “icky” parts and love them, too. Give up the resistance, let go of the attachment to that defining aspect, and move through the world with joy. Riiiight.

I don’t even know what I’m holding onto. What sad, scared part holds me in its thrall? How do I find out what it is, so that I can then invite it in (shudder at the thought…)?

I’m reminded of a discussion I had with a friend long ago, about the “onion” quality of life. You work your way through each layer, cry your eyes out as you do, and then go work on the next layer of the onion. Geez…that’s a lot of work.

In preparation for our monthly study group of The Way of Mastery, I have been reconnecting with Lesson Six, “Love Heals All Things.” I feel like Jeshua is talking to me personally when he reminds me that “Only through feeling do you awaken.” I recognize that that is what I’m running from – feelings. The intuitive healer said that I am standing behind myself, not fully engaging in my power or my mission in this life. Yep. I sure am. “Just let go,” she said. In my mind I asked, “Of what?” Another, deeper layer of the onion has just made itself known.

So… going with Charles Eisenstein’s theory that we each have special gifts to offer each other, I contacted another healer friend of mine. I have a session with her tomorrow morning. Perhaps she can help me uncover the dark chasm that is holding me back.

In my mind, I know that all necessary knowledge resides within me, but at this point, I also know that I just can’t face it alone. Jeshua tells me constantly that I am not alone, but right now, that’s how it feels.

I draw from the Mindful Self-Compassion class, and give myself permission to utilize my friends and their talents to help me find my course. The intuitive healer showed me what pure joy looked like in someone who has found their path. Her total self-acceptance looked pretty damn cool. So that’s the goal for now – accepting myself as I am, icky parts and all. Wish me luck!